Behind the Curtain

“Don't question my authority or put me in the box.” said General Specific shaking his head as he folded the tattered newspaper. Holy Shit wasn’t too happy with his statement but by the time he came up with something to say the topic had become past tense.

“He’s cute!” exclaimed Platinum Blonde who had been stretching over to look at the newspaper and suddenly she jumped over next to General Specific. “They’re banning the bra in France!” she exclaimed, delighted, only to realise that it wasn’t the bra, it was the burkha.

“He’s banning the burkha!” proclaimed Holy Shiy, hearing opportunity knock. “It’s written in the Quran! This is outrageous!” he said, widening his eyes and raising his arms as if he was Rafiki holding Simba.

For all the theatrics, it was a disappointing performance. Everyone expected, for his sake, that he had a better argument. It was a little shocking that he didn’t, and still harder to believe that so many years of blind following had as weak an argument as “it’s written in a book”. Faith can get one through a lot of things but challenge it with something ordinary like rush hour traffic or Math lectures and it fails miserably.

“You can’t tell people what to wear!” said Platinum Blonde aghast. “And not the same for everyone! How can women be happy?” she posed her question. The thought process was obviously wrong but she unintentionally struck a point. If women had a right to speak and vote and drive then they jolly well had the right to wear whatever they wanted to while indulging in any of the above ‘sins’. In Islam, women’s rights came below men’s and for all practical purposes read “None of the above”.

“The Quran tells us to practice the hijab. We dress modestly so as to not attract attention towards ourselves. The women cover themselves from head to toe unless they’re with their husbands.” replied Holy Shit deliberately not mentioning the brothers and the sons and the fathers and non-desiring man servants.

“My god! Islam is more screwed up than the Catholic Church even! It’s a she-human, not Fort Knox! I can’t imagine how sexually frustrated men must be for the ladies to be exercising such precautions.” said Baby Bitch joining the debate.

“I can.” said Major Minor sympathetically, having just imagined a world where all women practiced Islam to the dot. “It’s probably a vicious cycle.” he joked, pleased with his logic.

A look from Free Radical was enough to shut him up for a second. His eyes radiated infra red. Free Radical had been particularly angry lately, what with his friends in Pakistan and Iran not doing very well. Major Minor decided to stare back but eventually gave up. He believed that if anyone could knock some sense into Free Radical, it would be Inner Shia, but he also knew that Inner Shia would never interfere. Free Radical should be behind bars.

“And for all your modesty claims, there’s no way a burkha doesn’t attract attention. In fact, it works the other way around now with people, especially policemen, paying more attention to burkhas and beards. Of course, you would argue that it’s anti-secular and then set fire to cars and smash windows.” added Captain Follow further piling it on against Holy Shit. He found it particularly annoying when the public decided to damage public property to express their dissatisfaction with anything. And by public he meant public and not just orthodox radicals.

“Just because I live in Pseudan doesn’t mean I have to embrace Pseudan’s customs. I have the freedom to carry on with my traditions and customs. Just because we have unusual customs that others don’t believe in doesn’t mean we’re anti-Pseudan. It doesn’t mean that you have a right to legislate over it either. Everyone has a right to religion and that is what secularism is all about.” replied Holy Shit, making sense for a change.

“A custom deserves to be shot down if it’s purpose isn’t being served, more so if it’s hurting. If you’ve come to Pseudan then it’s your responsibility to not make the Pseudanese uncomfortable by your traditions.” argued Ambassador Boeing making sense too. A highly unlikely day, this, one of those you could only have imagined seeing on the Heart of Gold.

“If you want to live with us you live our way. If you want to establish your own rules and system within an already established one then find some other place. Secularism is also about treating all religions as equal, everyone abides by a common set of rules. The sensibilities of the minorities are as prone to hurt as are the majority’s but neither deserves a cushion.” stated Inner Shia bringing some wisdom into the discussion. Everyone thought he was Muslim because of his name but he addressed Holy Shit, as a representative of the Muslims, as ‘you’.

“Of course, there are much more important things you should be thinking about like welfare and education, but it’s a start, symbolic maybe. I do believe that there’s a minor percentage out there which wants to wear a niqab, and it’s their right, but there’s a major chunk which wears it out of fear. Because others feel it’s their right to make them wear one. That shouldn’t be tolerated.” he added.

A pregnant pause followed.

“For all its vices, it has its uses too.” whispered Major Minor, aborting. He pointed at General Specific who was now fast asleep, his handkerchief rising and falling with his breath. He took it off his face and folded it up and kept it at his arm.

“Peace brother.”

(Image is National Geographic's April 2002 cover)